Me.

I used to be very content. I used to be extremely happy with my life and the way I turned out. I used to be a visionary, always looking at what I could do next and attempt to achieve what most people would say was impossible. 

Over the space of four months, I’ve seen myself go from one of the happiest people on the planet, to one of the saddest. 

Depression is a pretty horrible place, when you live your day to day life wanting to be anywhere else except in you own body, when you sit at home doing nothing or going out for a walk in no general direction just because you hate the feeling of stillness, or feeling like you don’t belong in any particular place or in a circle of any particular people.

When you feel alienated from your closest friends and even your family, trying to speak to them how you used to speak to them but instead all that comes out is just murmurs, whispers and the occasional grunt just to let them know that you’re still alive.

4 months ago one of the best things happened to me, I finally found a boyfriend. I found somebody that I truly cared about and apparently he seemed to like me back for a short time. We became inseparable and did everything together, from playing video games until 4am, going to parties or just chilling out together, I loved every second that I was with that boy. Then problems started, little things started brewing and then were all bought to the surface. 4 months later I found myself alone, with a large debt, a broken heart, and nobody to speak to.

When you kill off your past life to pursue somebody who you value far greater than yourself, you build a dependancy on that person, they’re the only thing that matter to you, they’re the only thing in the world that seems real and they’re the only person that no matter how bad the arguments get - they’re the only person who you want to spend time with. When that person then breaks up with you, everything around you crashes and burns to the ground. I feel like I can’t focus on my work on a day to day basis, I can’t eat properly, I can’t sleep properly. All I seem to do is just sit around feeling sorry for myself, smoking to calm my nerves and crying when I don’t think anybody can hear me.

Then you replay everything over in your head, all the mistakes you made, all the arguments that occurred over the time, all of the incredible memories that you shared together. Then you think that that person is going to do all of that all over again with somebody else, and it sickens you.

I’m a very jealous person, I got jealous when somebody liked my ex boyfriends photo on instagram, I used to check everybody who liked it, looked through the list to make sure there wasn’t anybody suspicious on there who he could pick over me. Everytime he got a text on the phone I gave him, I’d ask who it was and then get really shitty when he said it was another boy. I loved him so much that I completely neglected my trust for him. I never fully believed that he loved me.

Another one of my problems was going to other people for advice rather than trusting my own instinct. I would constantly go to my friends and family and tell them about a situation that happened and get an outside opinon on it, it changed the way I thought about my (at the time) boyfriend and it made me incredibly paranoid. Was he using me? Was he manipulating me to get what he wants? Is he leading me on a downward spiral?

After so much going through my head, I decided that no, maybe it wasn’t him. Maybe it was my paranoia and lack of trust in the person who mattered most to me in the entire world. I will never forgive myself.

If you’re reading this, then I’m really sorry for everything that I’ve put you through, I want you to know that I’m sorry and ashamed for who I’ve become since I’ve known you, it’s not your fault and I’d do anything to have you back. I’m so sorry.

Team Locals have recently launched their online local directory and from a video perspective, we had our first ever client.

Team Local’s directory aims to give businesses are great platform to show off their business with photography and videography. Kitty Biggs Studio was the first company to sign up for a short promotional video.

We went and filmed one cold december morning and edited it within a couple of days, this is the final outcome.

If you have any questions about the directory or short promotional videos for your company in general then please give me a shout, my email adress is in the sidebar.

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Gear:

Cameras: Canon 60D

Lenses: Sigma 30mm f/1.4

Other Gear: Manfrotto Tripod, Manfrotto Monopod, Opteka X-Grip, Røde VideoMic Pro. 

Hey!


So as I’m sure you’re aware, a couple of months has passed since I filmed my first wedding. Although we handed it to the clients a while ago, I thought it was time to share the final result with the world!

I’m really pleased with the outcome, I think it really shows off some of the beautiful things that really went on that day, the ceremony was wonderful, the reception was lively and our idea of having a ‘Diary Room’ worked out really really well in the end. Incredibly pleased with how it turned out. 

We had a very small crew of 4 people, 3 cameramen and 1 sound operator. Although having very limited audio equipment on the day due to some organisation issues on our end, we ended up doing all the sound from a Røde Video Mic directly into the camera. It wasn’t ideal, but it was useable.

I hope you enjoy watching the video as much as I enjoyed making it, as always, feedback is always very much welcome, don’t be afraid to get in touch at: toby_lawrence@me.com

Thanks and have a great day!

Toby

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Gear:

Cameras: 

Lenses: Sigma 10-20mm f/3.5, Canon 18-55mm f/3.5, Canon 18-135mm f/3.5, Helios 58mm f/2.

Other: Manfrotto Monopod, Opteka X Grip, Vivitar Tripod, Røde VideoMic Pro.

Hey!

On October 15th on a dark autumn night the Team Locals team accompanied by some of our friends from Mayhem Magazine and Express FM were invited along for a sneak preview of one of Action Station’s brand new Laser Quest games. However, all was not as expected as half way through the second game an army of the living dead jumped out at us and proceeded to scream, shoot and grab us all.

The evening was insanely fun and I’d thoroughly recommend it to everybody who’s up for a little bit of fun and frights!

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Gear:

Camera: Canon 60D

Lens: Sigma 30mm f/1.4

Other gear: Røde VideoMic Pro

Hey!

It’s the 29th of September and currently I’m sat in an empty hotel room in the middle of somebody’s wedding rendering, converting and transcoding footage.

I was invited along by one of my friends to film the ceremony and document the day. We had a small crew of 4 people; myself, Liam Simmons, Jack Udy and Ollie Dalmut Rudd. Together we’ve worked all day to fully capture a beautiful day of laughs, promises and love.

I’ll be throwing the final cut together over the coming weeks and I will post it on here as soon as it’s finished.

Thanks for reading!

Toby

Hey!

A quick vlog to tell you about a brand new project I’m starting.

Earlier last month I was contacted by Crimson Reel Studio’s Aiden Rawnsley who asked me if I wanted to be involved with a project he was starting. A film for YouTube, by YouTubers. 

The outcome is System 11, an action thriller with a Sci-fi twist. System 11 employs assassins to harvest their target’s DNA, but to do what with? You’ll have to watch the film to find that out.

We can’t get the film off the ground without money however, to combat this we’ve set up an IndieGoGo campaign looking to raise £20,000. With the community that YouTube has, we’re going to be pretty optimistic and hope that we can raise the money. You don’t get nothing back! In return for your donation we will give you wrist bands, posters, signed CD’s, T-shirts and even producer credits!

We really hope that this project gets off the ground, and we really value your support. You can donate over on our IndieGoGo site here.

Thanks for watching, until next time,

Toby

Mid Summer marked the return of the incredible Love Southsea Show. It took place on Sunday 8th of July, a day where the weather came and went (and then came back again) but that didn’t stop the amazing people of Southsea coming along and admiring the musical brilliance of bands such as Free Style Funk Collective, Luke Ferre, Frank and Dean and so many more. Music wasn’t the only thing on show that day though. The show brought along a collection of our city’s great local sellers.

Above are just a few photos from the day, I was assisted by my good friend Liam Simmons who helped me out in getting some great shots that day. If you want to see more photos then please head over to my 500px account.

Thanks once again for reading, until next time.

Toby

Team Locals were invited to the Royal Marine Museum in Southsea one cold, dark evening for an exclusive Ghost Hunt around the museum. We spent all night searching through cellars, empty exhibitions and long corridors for paranormal activity but did we come up with any definitive proof? Watch our video and find out.

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It was a really fun evening, lots of weird noises, spooky reflections and a pretty intense atmosphere inside the Royal Marine Museum. Myself, being pretty closed minded when it comes to the paranormal saw an entirely different perspective going on one of these ghost hunts. I’d definitely recommend it to anybody who’s a little bit curious. A real eye opener.

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Gear:

  • Camera: Canon 60D
  • Lens: 18-55mm f3.5-5.6
  • Other: Røde VideoMic Pro, Opteka X-Grip
  • Editing: Final Cut Pro X, Magic Bullet Looks
Hey!
Today is August 31st, which is the day I release my EP! It’s a ‘Pay what you want’ EP so if you can’t afford to pay for it, thats absolutely fine, if you want to pay for it however, then please do as it would help me out a ton!
The album consists of 4 tracks, Image, The Next Level and Alacrity followed by a continuous mix of all 3 tracks as a ‘bonus’ track.
Your support going into this project has been overwhelming and I’m in awe of the amount of retweets, supportive messages and compliments I’ve recieved over the last week, it’s been a truly incredible experience and you’ve made one lonely teenager who sits in his room all day in front of his computer making music, and extremely happy guy.
I really hope you all enjoy the music, send me pictures of it on your iPod it would make me mega happy.
You can grab it from the link here.
Enjoy, thank you all so much.
- Toby (R.D.T.M

Hey!

Today is August 31st, which is the day I release my EP! It’s a ‘Pay what you want’ EP so if you can’t afford to pay for it, thats absolutely fine, if you want to pay for it however, then please do as it would help me out a ton!

The album consists of 4 tracks, Image, The Next Level and Alacrity followed by a continuous mix of all 3 tracks as a ‘bonus’ track.

Your support going into this project has been overwhelming and I’m in awe of the amount of retweets, supportive messages and compliments I’ve recieved over the last week, it’s been a truly incredible experience and you’ve made one lonely teenager who sits in his room all day in front of his computer making music, and extremely happy guy.

I really hope you all enjoy the music, send me pictures of it on your iPod it would make me mega happy.

You can grab it from the link here.

Enjoy, thank you all so much.

- Toby (R.D.T.M

My new track - Alacrity. A chord based progressive house track inspired by the soft synths of Deadmau5 and other EDM artists. As always feedback is greatly appreciated. Enjoy!